Listen

Amos 3:3 New Living Translation (NLT)

3 Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?

In order to have success in your marriage relationship, you must walk in agreement with your spouse. I can hear many of you saying, “That is easier said than done in my home.” There have been many books written on communication but I just want to concentrate on one aspect of the communication formula: listening.

In the scripture above, the word agreement is the essential component of two people being able to walk together. According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, agreement is “harmony of opinion, action or character; an agreement as to a course of action”. The truth is that in order to achieve common goals and objectives, agreement must take place.   My contention is that agreement will not occur, even in the presence of an abundance of talking, without active listening.

Active listening is rooted in a desire to hear the heart, intent, and desire of the speaker, to allow true communication to take place. True communication allows one to understand the intended meaning of the communicator. We must make the decision to listen with the objective of gaining insight into the desires and goals of our mates. In our marriage relationships, listening is paying attention to the things your spouse says during the day to obtain understanding.

In so many instances, we are speaking, but there is no recognition that the words spoken are received and valued. This may be as simple as when your spouse says that they are tired or overwhelmed and you ask is there anything you can do to help. You can let them know that you have indeed heard them and volunteer to wash dishes, work with children, or postpone a planned activity in response to what was shared. It may be as simple as noticing the way your spouse answers yes or no. We often find couples saying that their mate doesn’t communicate, but the question may really be: Are you paying attention? Not listening can become a detrimental habit that impedes the agreement process in your marriage. When you decide to make the effort to actually listen to one another, the level of communication and the content’s importance will increase.

In order for you and your spouse to walk together in agreement, you must first learn to listen to each other. When your spouse knows that you are listening, you may be surprised by the effort they will expend to come to your agreed upon goals and direction for your lives. Only through listening to God and each other can your marriage relationship arrive at the desired destination.